Being a patient in a hospital is an alternate reality. It doesn’t matter how long you are there, time and space play by their own rules. Anything that exists outside the walls of the building becomes irrelevant. I am sure there are some very good and logical reasons for waking patients up at the oddest hours to check vitals and draw blood. Antibiotics attached via an IV at 1:30 a.m. holds the record as the oddest of experiences so far. I was too sleepy to ask the right questions, but it didn’t stop me from needing a “procedure” at 7:30 a.m.
I have been in the hospital twice recently. Yes, I am now doing fine, thanks for asking. My malady is cardiac related with all of the scary thoughts that arise with this type of diagnosis. I’ve been hospitalized before for routine things like gallbladder removal. That wasn’t as scary. There’s something about only having one heart, because I cannot survive if it is removed. Yet, I have learned that, like the rest of me, my heart is stubborn and will beat as it sees fit. You might say it beat to the sound of its own and different drummer, until I received “procedures” that succeeded in showing my heart who’s the boss. Apparently the cardiologist and team remain, officially, The Boss.
Oh, and can we talk about modesty? Where else would it not be unusual to have everyone and everybody come by and visit while I am laying in bed wearing the loosest of gowns. I was hooked up in several ways to various machines which was okay when I stayed in bed. However, the coffee machine was located at the nurses station. I learned new skills as I walked holding my gown closed, walking with a cane and carrying a fresh cup of hot coffee. I do have my talents, if I say so myself.
Upon arrival at a cardiac unit, I was attached to all sorts of gizmos that monitored me all day and night. First I received stickers all over my chest and stomach with wires that were attached to a little box that I wore in a pouch around my neck at all times. This was called a telemetry? Then that was combined with a bio button. It also monitored my heart, but without wires. At this point I realize that my body is not my own.
There’s also the issue of blood. At least once a day, every day, a nurse would come by and take several vials of blood. To be perfectly honest, I don’t think there are that many tests that can be run on this vital fluid. Maybe the nurses had a side job where they supplied some local vampires with fresh blood to keep the murder rates down across the city. They would never admit it, but I still have my suspicions.
Finally, there were the EKGs. Since I was in the hospital to get a new heart medication, I had to have this test after every dose. I have become very familiar this procedure. In addition to the stickers and wires that are already placed on my chest, I receive about 10 more. Sometimes the stickers would be placed on my knees. The test itself only took a few seconds. Then all the extra stickers would be removed until the next EKG.
One time when I was getting some coffee at the nurses station, I noticed a pumpkin made to look like a heart. Apparently, for fun and frolic, the staff have a pumpkin carving/decorating contest for Halloween. At first I thought this was a pace maker, but I was wrong. It is actually a Left Ventricle Assist Device otherwise known as an LVAD. I don’t know what this does, but they did a good job at decorating the pumpkin. I appreciated the attempt to enjoy my favorite holiday. Actually being in the hospital over Halloween is a definite buzz kill for me. I hope that doesn’t happen next year. The skeletons I have at home were worried about me, bless their little, nonexistent hearts. By the time I was finished with the second hospital stay, staff were beginning to wear Holiday sweaters and reindeer antlers.
Happy Holidays to everyone!
Until next time.……
